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I'm not currently telling anyone that I've started this blog again. So since it's mostly just for me, I have some THOUGHTS TO SHARE on the subject of ghosting. 

Thanks, John. I have been ghosted. Multiple times. However, most people say "we've all ghosted and we've all been ghosted." I do not ghost. I will slightly amend that to say - I do not ghost people I have gone out with. I cannot guarantee that there has never been a text that went through without a response, but after there has been a date - if someone reaches out again, I COMMUNICATE WITH THEM BECAUSE THAT IS THE HUMANE THING TO DO. (excuse the passion). To further emphasize my refusal to ghost, I once went out with a guy that I was not super interested in; at the end of the date he expressed his desire to meet up again, to which I replied "It was nice meeting you." I didn't even mislead him in person. Honesty is best in dating, my friends. 

Since my move to NY, I have been enjoying the dating scene here. I love it SO much more than dating in Provo and may even do a whole post on that, but let's just share a little screenshot of a text that I received after a date last week: 

Can you handle the maturity? I received this and was truly in awe at Matt's (that's what we're going to call him) authenticity, bravery, etc. I was singing his praises to my friends. Can you believe how mature and awesome this guy is?? I honestly think this is my favorite post-date text I've ever received, and it was totally a rejection text. I didn't care, because I was so thrilled by the honest communication. Then I was overcome with this feeling of wonder because I realized this text probably took about 90 seconds for Matt to send. It was not super specific, so he could even follow a template and send it to any girl that he wasn't interested in (it is possible that he really is fresh out of a relationship - but it's most likely that was just the closest & kindest reason he wished to share as to why he didn't want to "start anything" with me). The point is — I don't think that this should be that hard of a thing to do, but SO many people seem incapable of sending it. It's over text!!! Guys!! Texts are not hard to send. Conversations can be hard to have — I totally get that. Texts are easy. You can copy and paste — you can take as much time as you want to type — you don't have to see their reaction to the text. Why can't we normalize this? 

I am not interested in people who ghost. Clear communication is repeated over and over in almost any article or study on successful relationships. People who ghost do not have the communication skills to handle the really hard parts of a relationship. If a guy can't tell someone he isn't interested in them (over text), I just simply don't trust that he is going to tell me that a need of his isn't being met in our relationship, or a decision I made is actually troubling for him, etc. These are all situations in which he would have to be bold enough to express his interests and kind enough to acknowledge that the harder truth is more helpful to me than the absence of it. Communication skills are hot and obtainable. Get them. 

xoxo

Rebecca