The comback post

 I thought my blogging days were over, but I've recently felt the urge to write again. And I have a good story that has finally reached the enough-time-has-passed-to-share point. 

A few months ago I was in the process of moving apartments, which is really a part-time job. I was very, very busy. During this time, I matched with someone on Hinge who asked me on a Thursday morning if I wanted to go out for dinner that night. Normally I would do some research on the person first, but I just didn't have time during work to do that. Plus, I remember thinking that I hadn't really bought groceries that week and was probably going to eat out anyway, so might as well kill two birds with one dinner. 

So we meet up for dinner, and the guy is a bit quirky but nice enough. It comes up fairly early in the date that I'm waiting for marriage to have sex, and he seemed totally fine with it but also a little entertained. You're going to learn some things about this guy in a bit that may lead you to question his judgment, but he made one comment that rang true to me and I still think about. He was talking about how anyone who is on the dating apps has a reason they are single, and then he said, "but for you, it's just that you won't have sex!" Oh, how I wish more men appreciated that.

The date goes well enough. He bought me a chocolate bar at the end, which was a nice touch. He wanted to meet up again, but I only had Saturday morning free, so he suggested we go to the gym together. He goes to Equinox (which if you're not familiar, is a very nice gym that I had yet to visit), so I was very much down. Also, this man was wealthy. I've gone out with a decent amount of guys that have money. Some of them come across as pretty normal at first and then you start picking it up as time goes on (they'll make side comments about their house in Milan or their maid, and the wheels start clicking), and then other guys very much try to lead with their wealth. He was the latter type. 

That Saturday morning I woke up and texted him to make sure we were still good for 9. While awaiting his response, I remembered I had never researched him; now seemed like a good time to do so. My usual process is to check the guy's LinkedIn, make sure all of that checks out, and then do a little Google search. His LinkedIn looked good, I noticed he'd been at his company for a while, but he was a little older (34), so I wasn't too concerned. 

Then we get to the Google search. He was on a Forbes 40 under 40 list. Impressive, but then I noticed that on this list it included his age: 36. Hmmm. So I scroll up to check the year of the list and it is 2019. So this man is either 40 or 39-going-on-40. I then went back to his LinkedIn, ran some numbers, and realized it was physically impossible for this man to be 34. We do not like liars.

This gym date quickly became a quest to call him out on his misbehavior. We met at his apartment building (yes, it was very nice), and then took an Uber to the Equinox at Hudson Yards. I did thoroughly enjoy my workout. We worked out separately and then met up for the hot tub and sauna. I start peppering him with questions that will nail him down to a timeline. "When did you live in London?" "How old were you when you moved there?" 

The trouble was that his timeline added up for him to be 34!!! He was on top of the lie. 

After the gym we start heading back to his apartment, and I'm stressing about how I'm going to get this out of him. I decide I'll just have to call him out, and say I did my research, and I know his age. We get to his apartment, which has a floor-to-ceiling window view of Central Park. It was messy though, which really bothered me. He'd made a few comments about how he and his partner wouldn't have to worry about household chores, because he can hire that out. But you still need to pick up after yourself? That or have the maid come more often. 🙄

I digress. So I sit down at his dining room table and directly in my line of sight is a framed magazine article that has "[His name], 36"!!!! GOLD. 

So I point to it and ask, "When did you get that?"

"Oh, yeah that is something I got, blah, blah . . " He tries to skirt it. 

"So how old are you?"

"I'm 38, but genetically, I'm 32." 

He then goes on to explain that he's part of some Harvard research group where he takes a ton of supplements and gets his blood tested every month, and they're reversing his age. The goal is to get it to 10 yrs younger and then maintain that. He also led with Benjamin Button when explaining this and that did not do him any favors. 

We then had a nice chat about age differences and how it's not just about genetics, but about how many trips around the sun. I'll have to be more specific next time. 

I was telling this story to a friend, and she commented on how neither of the ages he shared matched his profile. I pointed out that he probably was genetically 34 (or his age minus 5) when he got the Hinge, but he keeps getting younger and Hinge won't let you change your birth year!

Also, I'm confident the 38 was still a lie. He had to be at least 39. The research doesn't lie. 

There was not a third date. 

And this is why whenever I leave for a date, my roommate says, "I hope it's good or a good story!"