To My First Room in NY

 Thank you. 

You were the site of so many beautiful and so many terrible memories. I think of all the times I woke up to the sunlight coming in that window and felt so dang lucky to live in NYC. I think of all of the panic attacks I had in the evening hours, wishing with all my heart for peace. 

Thank you mirror, for being the source of lots of joy as I tried on outfits for so many "firsts" over this past year. 

Thank you side table I found on the side of the road. Mostly, thanks for not having bedbugs. Thank you for holding my water and my post-it notes. 

Thank you closet door, for hosting so many quotes that carried me through the worst moments of this year. 

I remember coming home from exciting dates, and reliving all of my favorite moments as I changed into my PJs and got ready to not go right to sleep. 

I remember looking at the calendar and thinking how long I had to go before I could see my family again. 

I remember singing and pretending that all of the windows from the building across the street were audience members, anxious to hear my performance. 

I remember recording self-tape after self-tape. Sometimes having to do them all over because of the sirens. 

I remember recording voiceovers in that closet. Sitting on the floor, my back pressed up against clothes, a blanket draped over the walls, and trying my best to still maintain good posture in that cramped space. 

I remember lots of Facetimes, Marco Polos, lots of phone calls, lots of pillow talk — lots of discoveries made in conversation with those I love and cherish. 

I remember being so excited to be back after a long & boring day of work. I remember being so excited to leave after a long day of at-home work. 

I remember feeling like I was actually making my dreams happen. 

You were a sacred space for me. Thank you for helping me feel safe in a time in my life when very little felt secure. 

xoxo

your aug 2020 – july 2021 tenant