Why is the "rejection" text so hard?

I have a note in my phone that is full of drafts of rejections texts that I have sent to guys that "I don't really see a future with." They are full of phrases such as "You're awesome!" Or "It was so cool to meet up!" And they always include the caveat that the man has to know is coming after the overly kind introduction to a text that is definitely way longer than "Yes, I'm free Thursday." My caveat is always catered to the person. Sometimes, I see them as a friend. Other times, I don't see it going anywhere. Mostly, I don't see a romantic future. You get the idea. 

This is my least favorite part of dating. Every time I send one of these texts, I feel a little bit guilty. I'm ashamed that I don't reciprocate their feelings. I know how it feels to be rejected, and I genuinely hate that feeling. So in an effort to compensate for the pain I'm causing them, I make myself feel just as hurt when I send the text. 

Here's the thing: rejection texts are actually a good thing. That is clear communication at its finest. (Okay, maybe not finest, but at its most-authentic-lets-not-lie-est). I think rejection texts are less painful than being ghosted, which is why I always send them. Some people disagree; they would rather never hear from the person than have to deal with a clear and concise rejection that their brain can't twist into a hope that it will still work out. I send rejection texts so that people don't linger on me. I feel they can move on more quickly if they know that this door is shut. They don't have to waste more brainpower on me. 

There are times when I've been ghosted and would have killed for a rejection text so that my brain wouldn't keep thinking that somehow they've just been busy for two months and they will ask me out again probably this weekend. Or if not this, then next. Definitely next.

That's not fun either. 

My logical reasons for sending the text only slightly help with the discomfort. I don't like causing others pain. We open ourselves up when we date, and in so doing we tacitly consent to be hurt. The pain of a rejection text is minimal compared to endings further along in the relationship, but I'm still not a fan. 

I know I'm not alone in this. I've coached a friend or two myself on sending the same style of text. I don't think it's ever going to be a fun activity, but I hope we can work towards an attitude that is a little less guilt-ridden. In the grand scheme, we are doing this person a favor. Just like we have this undying hope that it will somehow work out for us, we can trust that it's going to work out for them too. We are not their only hope. 

xo

Rebecca